Oh I see you’ve finished the book, Popy.
Quite so.
I hope you liked it.
Oh yes I did. Quite a remarkable read.
Hold on! Let me take a picture of you with the book.
I don’t see a reason why not. Do we have a hat? A nice English hat?
We don’t have any hats and you are not wearing any hats. Just sit still and let me click it.
As you please, my dear Sonny.
*click*
Here. Like it?
Oh! Marvelous! You sure have some good camera skills lad.
Coming for a walk?
Oh how well you anticipate all my wants, dear lad!
Stop calling me a lad.
So, to the woods we stroll?
Woods? We are going to the park, Popy. And you are not supposed to poop in the park, alright?
Indeed. I presume it’s a busy place at these hours and any such activity could cause comments.
You are a smart pet, Popy. Come, we’ll go.
So I see you are romantically involved with a Muslim girl?
What? How the hell do you know that?
The science of deduction!
The science of deduction? What? Go on, enlighten me, SHERLOCK!
The other day, while I was just browsing through your possessions on your table, I got a little glimpse of an Eid greeting card you had got from a girl named Farzana. She had replaced both the A’s with a heart. That was sweet and disturbing at the same time.
YOU DOG! That is no deduction! That is spying, you spying son of a bitch!
I am not very comfortable with your inappropriate selection of words.
Wait, since when can you read?
You have been talking to me, sugartoes. A talking beast can read too. By the way, are you aware your parents would never approve of her?
Yeah, I need to persuade them. With persistent wooing and a bit of fortune, I’m sure everything would be fine.
Fortune favors the brave, but not those in love, loverboy. So in this case, pretty face, I foresee your point of wooing rather futile! And I consider it my duty to remind you that you should refrain from getting into such affairs of affection in the first place. Love, you know, is like a firefly, for it promises to be a beacon in the darkest of the nights but if you follow it, all you find is an eternal shithole.
Where did you read that?
I didn’t read it anywhere. I just, you know, said it. But you wouldn’t condescend to appreciate it, would you?
Stop talking now Popy, will you? By the way, why the fuck are you talking? You shouldn’t be talking! You are a dog, for fuck’s sake!
While I understand your propensity for profanity, I do not appreciate you addressing me as a dog.
What? What should I call you then? GOD?
Oh I find GOD equally repelling. I prefer hound.
Hound? Why?
Hound is intimidating.
But you are not intimidating! You are hardly ten inches above the ground! And you can’t fetch respect and fear by a mere name, can you?
Oh no, you can’t. But it wouldn’t hurt to have a name, that, you know, fits in. Just imagine naming the Dothraki king as Joffery. Wouldn’t that have been hilarious?
You are hell of a hound, aren’t you Popy?
Talking of hounds, oh look, GRASS! And hey, it’s greener on the other side. We’ll go there and I’ll poop the shit out of me.
POPY, NO, WAIT! I SAID NO POOPING IN THE PARK!
Quite so.
I hope you liked it.
Oh yes I did. Quite a remarkable read.
Hold on! Let me take a picture of you with the book.
I don’t see a reason why not. Do we have a hat? A nice English hat?
We don’t have any hats and you are not wearing any hats. Just sit still and let me click it.
As you please, my dear Sonny.
*click*
Here. Like it?
Oh! Marvelous! You sure have some good camera skills lad.
Coming for a walk?
Oh how well you anticipate all my wants, dear lad!
Stop calling me a lad.
So, to the woods we stroll?
Woods? We are going to the park, Popy. And you are not supposed to poop in the park, alright?
Indeed. I presume it’s a busy place at these hours and any such activity could cause comments.
You are a smart pet, Popy. Come, we’ll go.
So I see you are romantically involved with a Muslim girl?
What? How the hell do you know that?
The science of deduction!
The science of deduction? What? Go on, enlighten me, SHERLOCK!
The other day, while I was just browsing through your possessions on your table, I got a little glimpse of an Eid greeting card you had got from a girl named Farzana. She had replaced both the A’s with a heart. That was sweet and disturbing at the same time.
YOU DOG! That is no deduction! That is spying, you spying son of a bitch!
I am not very comfortable with your inappropriate selection of words.
Wait, since when can you read?
You have been talking to me, sugartoes. A talking beast can read too. By the way, are you aware your parents would never approve of her?
Yeah, I need to persuade them. With persistent wooing and a bit of fortune, I’m sure everything would be fine.
Fortune favors the brave, but not those in love, loverboy. So in this case, pretty face, I foresee your point of wooing rather futile! And I consider it my duty to remind you that you should refrain from getting into such affairs of affection in the first place. Love, you know, is like a firefly, for it promises to be a beacon in the darkest of the nights but if you follow it, all you find is an eternal shithole.
Where did you read that?
I didn’t read it anywhere. I just, you know, said it. But you wouldn’t condescend to appreciate it, would you?
Stop talking now Popy, will you? By the way, why the fuck are you talking? You shouldn’t be talking! You are a dog, for fuck’s sake!
While I understand your propensity for profanity, I do not appreciate you addressing me as a dog.
What? What should I call you then? GOD?
Oh I find GOD equally repelling. I prefer hound.
Hound? Why?
Hound is intimidating.
But you are not intimidating! You are hardly ten inches above the ground! And you can’t fetch respect and fear by a mere name, can you?
Oh no, you can’t. But it wouldn’t hurt to have a name, that, you know, fits in. Just imagine naming the Dothraki king as Joffery. Wouldn’t that have been hilarious?
You are hell of a hound, aren’t you Popy?
Talking of hounds, oh look, GRASS! And hey, it’s greener on the other side. We’ll go there and I’ll poop the shit out of me.
POPY, NO, WAIT! I SAID NO POOPING IN THE PARK!